Jenn Writes

Writing my way through life, one word at a time.

2 am ramblings

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Tonight, I tried to fill my head with beauty to mitigate the horror my mind is imagining to go along with the news stories I read. I worked a holiday concert for a local Montessori school – over 150 children singing and making music and generally being children – which helped a bit. After that I went to my friend’s house, gave their 3 year old her Christmas present and helped her get ready for bed. Her hugs helped mend my heart a bit too. I got to cuddle a 6 month old baby and spend time with his parents. I got caught up in the TV show Arrow (yes… there is beauty there too). I even stayed too late and watched an episode of Doctor Who.

At this point it was 1 AM and I really should have gone home to bed but I couldn’t do it. Instead I drove 5 minutes further west until I was outside the city limits and found a side road to park on. I had my BlackBerry with me for safety and took a blanket, my padded stadium cushion and my mittens and just sat in the dark. In the span of half an hour I saw 14 meteors. I sat quietly, and prayed for the world and for the families that wouldn’t be getting any rest tonight.

After 30 minutes, I drove home, got into my fuzzy pjs and am writing this. I’m not healed by any stretch but my soul feels a little lighter. Sometimes a bit of alone time with astronomical phenomenons in the dead of winter can help our minds proccess the unimaginable.

Hug your children (or other people’s children)! Go out and sit in the dark. Volunteer. Choose your method of healing but acknowledge that our lives have changed forever with the senseless deaths in Connecticut.

Please Excuse my absence.

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It’s been a rough couple of months. Every time I think I’m going to get back on track and blog again something happens. First it was pneumonia. I have had it before but I had obviously forgotten just how much it takes out of you. I ended up pulling the muscles between my ribs by coughing so much. Let me tell you – sitting at the computer (or anywhere really) was the last thing I wanted to do. Then, my house was burglarized. I am thankful that it was only material goods that were stolen (Wii, games, DVDs, Monitor, Laser Printer) but it’s still shaken me. I’m pretty good at putting on a happy face and going out into the world but having my space invaded and *my* things taken scared me. It’s especially frustrating since I’m still looking for work and don’t have the money to replace what was stolen. The total for the stuff that was stolen was just under my deductible on my renter’s insurance so there’s no point putting a claim in.  I’ve had to evict a housemate because he a) didn’t pay rent and b) took a swing at me when I asked him about the rent.

The lack of a full time job is also frustrating.  I have applied for over 100.  I’ve been interviewed 10 times (and yes I know that a 10% interview rate is good) but keep hearing that I’m overqualified.  I’ve been lucky enough to find contract work redoing a doctor’s filing system to add dividers and repairing all the broken file folders.  It’s hard work but it’s work and I’m grateful for it.  I’m not sure what the future will hold.  I’ve had more than one company tell me they want a full social media plan as part of my application for the job.  Um.  I’m pretty sure that’s what you’d be HIRING me to do.  If I gave it to you as part of my application, why would you hire me?  Why not just steal my ideas and get someone else to implement them?  I know I sound jaded.  I hate sounding jaded.  I am a trusting person by nature and I hate that I’m becoming less trusting.  I want to see the best in people.  I want to work where my ideas will be appreciated and where I can learn new things.  I want to be challenged in my work.  Is that really too much to ask?

This wasn’t the post i sat down to write today.  but it’s the one that needed to be written.  Hopefully now that I’ve jumped back in, my words will come more freely.

 

Sponsorship Questions

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I’ve been invited to attend the She’s Connected Conference in Toronto in September.  I’m really excited to go because I want to learn how to make my blog and Twitter and Facebook accounts more relevant.  In the last few days the excitement has started to be co-mingled with  trepidation (yes it’s a $20 word but I love it so I’m using it).  I’ve seen a lot of the other attendees actively seek wardrobe, travel, or shoe sponsors for the event.  Lord knows I’d love to have someone pay for the hotel room for #SCCTO – Money isn’t a luxury I have a lot of right now, but I’m wary because I’m not sure I want to sell myself to do it.  Right now, whenever I endorse something on Twitter, Facebook, or here, it’s because i use it and genuinely like it.  I won a new Blackberry Bold 9900 on Twitter in July.  I entered the #BB7FanNight Contest and won.  I got to go to a really fancy launch party and play with all of the new devices that use the BB7 OS and choose one.  I received it on Friday an tweeted that I love it.  I really do love it.  It has a touch screen and a keyboard and it’s really easy to use.   There were no terms in the contract that said I had to tweet about how much I loved it –  I gave Blackberry PR the right to use the tweets I entered the contest with in their advertising campaign, they liked one of the entries, I won a new Blackberry.   If I hated the device I would say that, but I don’t.

Incidentally I also won a pair of Skullcandy ROCNATION headphones at the BB7FanNight event and I love them too.  I’ve been looking for a new pair of headphones for awhile, and the ROCNATIONs in addition to looking really cool (they came with a cloth to make sure the outside stayed shiny!) are incredibly comfortable too.   The only problem may be that they’re TOO good – when I tried to do some transcription off of a cassette tape they conveyed every hiss and crackle of the tape!  I had heard of Skullcandy headphones before but figured they were too ‘hip’ for me – now I don’t care – I just love them.

I have an iphone that I got from my best friend.  I like it  a lot too – but there are some things about it that drives me nuts.  I’m sure after I use the new Bold9900 for a year, there will be things that drive me nuts about them too.  If I were to be offered a sponsorship by Blackberry, would I be free to voice any concerns I had about my device?

I’m afraid that if I enter into a relationship with a brand to get sponsorship for a conference, it will force me to not be honest about my opinions of products.  I like to support local companies and failing that, Canadian companies.  but I’m not willing to support a company that has crap products.  I want my friends to know that when I recommend something (like I did with the Adult Essentials vitamins this week to a group of friends) that I actually use and enjoy the product.   I’m still pretty new to the whole brands and blogs thing, but I’m not sure I’m willing to sell my soul for the price of a hotel room.

Cottage

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I love heading to the cottage.  Not the drive but just the act of actively getting away from it all.  It’s not that I don’t love life in Kitchener but I feel more relaxed at the lake.  I’m generally doing as many (if not more) things up there than I am in the city but I can drop any of them and go for a swim if i feel like it.  Now that’s freedom.    I generally get chewed by the mosquitoes (and if I’m really unlucky, the deer flies),  but other than that I enjoy hanging out with the local wildlife – the chipmunks, minnows, and even Snappy – the 60+ year old snapping turtle who teaches people not to leave fish on the dock by eating them.

My grandfather built the cottage 50 years ago this year.  A lot has happened there.  I have spent time almost every year of my life at my beloved cottage.  Yet, times change.  Mum’s growing mobility issues will soon force us to sell the cottage and find a more level lot.  I will be sad to say goodbye to the cottage but also happy to have one that the whole family can enjoy.

Only Children…

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Some recent news articles have made me think  about my status as an only child.  My mum, asked me a few months ago whether I felt left out because I was an only child.   I didn’t then and I don’t now.  I loved being an only child.  I’m sure I would have loved siblings too but being an only gave me advantages I wouldn’t have otherwise had.  That’s not to say that I was spoiled.  My parents took great care to avoid that.  For starters I had a bunch of cousins within a 10 minute drive from my house who were over a lot and tortured me like siblings.   They took my stuff and roughhoused and generally had a good time.

I was also involved in Guiding, hockey, and swimming lessons plus occasionally other things like a little chefs course.  I was well socialized and I’m not sure that I could have done all those things if there was a sibling in the mix.

I wasn’t lonely.  I was the type of kid who was happiest reading a book, and in books I found all sorts of wonderful people and stories.  I also had a lot of friends who I could go and call on and play with after school or on weekends.    Yes… go out and play – around the corner or, when i got a little older, down the block and through the walkway.  I played with my friends, got annoyed by their siblings and returned to my cozy home.

I am both my father’s daughter and my mother’s daughter.  Mum and I would sit and do crafts and she would patiently teach me how to knit day after day when I forgot.  Would we have had all that 1 on 1 time if I had siblings?   Dad treated me like one of the boys – I got to watch sports with him.  Hockey, Auto racing, and football.  Dad loves football and as he put it, they were pretty sure they were only going to have 1 kid, there was 1 tv, mum tolerated football but didn’t love it and he wanted to make sure the vote would be 2 vs 1 FOR football.  Hence my beginnings as a football junkie.  I wonder if I had had a brother, if my dad would have spent as much time explaining all the nuances of football to me?  I’d like to think so but I’m not sure.

I know i missed out on things by not having a sibling.  Mum’s big worry is that I won’t have family to support me when they die.  I told her that I have friends and that just because people are related by blood doesn’t necessarily mean that they can stand each other.    I feel loved and supported by the friends I have made and that is enough for me.

I wouldn’t have minded to have had someone else to blame things on either, come to think of it.    When there was trouble in the house or something got broken, it was almost always my fault and I took the blame.  If I’d had a younger sibling, I could have blamed them.  There’s only so much you can blame on a dog.

Overall I feel like I had a well-rounded, happy childhood.  I don’t think that I missed anything huge by not having biological siblings, I have a few friends who are as close to me as they are to their biological siblings if not closer.

I know quite a few only children, and none of us feel like we were deprived in any way of part of our childhood.  I’ve had friends worry that they don’t have a sibling for their child yet.  Relax, I tell them, even if you don’t ever end up with another kid, your firstborn won’t be horribly scarred.  I may not get the mushy “sister” cards, but that’s ok with me.