Tag: Children

Word Wednesday – too cute for words

Word Wednesday – too cute for words

I’ve got a secret. It’s something I don’t say out loud too often because when I do people react badly. Some gasp, some try to convince me that I’m crazy, and others look at me like I’ve suddenly grown a second head. You can stop reading now if you want, I understand.

Still with me? Okay then… here goes: I don’t love babies. But you work with kids” – is the initial reaction I hear most often. Yes I do… I work with kids – NOT babies. The other common reaction is “But you’re SO good with them, they love you”. This is true – I have been the ‘baby whisperer’ at several churches that I have attended over the years. I have a knack for getting little ones to calm down and go to sleep. Babies don’t generally scream for long with me – I can think of one infant over the past decade who I was unable to win over: my friend’s middle child. Her older sister loved Auntie Jenn while she was wary of pretty much everyone else outside of her immediate family. The youngest was pretty much okay with me from day one – even though he very much preferred mommy to everyone. The middle one, however, hated me. She howled, refused to sleep, and was generally inconsolable from the minute her parents left until the moment they came back. I tried every trick in the book, but until she turned a year old, that kid was NOT a fan of Auntie Jenn. Now? She loves me – I get huge hugs, pretty pictures drawn for me, and she’s even cried before school one morning when I told her I wouldn’t still be there when she got back.

It’s not that I don’t love my friend’s babies – but it’s because of their parents, not because I have an innate love for newborns. Once they are a few months old and are doing things? Bring ‘em on. Seriously – I love the mischief they get into once they’re mobile, and love the look that a toddler will give you when they’re clearly breaking the rules but are testing the line to see how much they can get away with. It’s just the first few months, before their personality really starts to show through, that I could take or leave. I do quite enjoy making baby blankets for those first few months, and will gladly hold a baby so that the mom can grab food, shower, or even just sit for a few minutes on her own; but I’m not the woman who wants to hold random babies at the store because she ’misses how it feels’. Granted I haven’t had one of my own, but I have helped raise one and have held more babies than I can count and my feelings haven’t changed – they’re cute, and fun to play with for a few minutes, but after that I’m done. I will, however answer the same question from a 2 year old 100 times without blinking. I’ll calmly deal with the tantrum throwing toddler and hand them back with a smile on my face. Maybe I just like a challenge. I know quite a few people who don’t like newborns because they’re too fragile. Except they’re not really – yes you have to pick them up carefully, and there are proper ways to hold them, but in general, if you leave them in the crib for a moment while you pee, you’re not going to do any lasting psychological damage.

I did fall in love with my best friend’s kids pretty much immediately, but again… I didn’t spend a ton of time with either of them until they were a few months old and more able to interact. I’d also volunteer to entertain the older one so that she could get some ‘bonding time’ with the younger one. Brilliant eh? My best friend and her husband made a couple of really adorable babies. We had an the inside joke when someone would complement her on the adorable baby, “yeah, I returned the non adorable one” (I’m fairly certain it wasn’t actually said out loud), then again knowing us, it may well have been.

One of my favourite pictures of the youngest… looking innocent, but plotting her escape.

I fell even more in love once their personalities began to show through. The older one was a perfectionist from the start, always watching and learning. He had deep thoughts at two that I wasn’t prepared for – and still blows me away with the depth and breadth of his thinking, his thoughtfulness, and his truly kind spirit. His sister is what my mum would call spirited. I remember babysitting them once and in the 15 seconds it took me to help the older one find something, she was trying to scale the fridge. She has the smile of an angel, but woe to the person who underestimates her. Much like Mary Tyler Moore, the kid has spunk. Looking at them solidifies the nature / nurture debate in my mind – the kids were raised by the same parents in much the same environment, but the personalities are so very different. Where one is quietly contemplative the other is a fearless performer. Of course there were physical differences too – While the older one had a bit of baby fuzz on his head at birth, the little one came out practically needing a haircut. I remember one of the first words that came into my head when I saw her picture was “what a little moppet”. I’m not sure why that word has been in my head lately, but it has been so it’s today’s Word Wednesday word.

Moppet is more commonly used in England / Great Britain than it is here, and even then it’s predominantly only used by the older generation but I think it’s a great word. The word is from the 17th century -the Middle English word moppe meant little child or baby doll and -et is a diminutive suffix. There is a school of thought that moppe may have come from the Latin word mappa which meant napkin – hence the rag doll connotation. I’m not sure if I buy that, but it’s an interesting thought.

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Moppet (mop·pet) Noun

A small endearingly sweet child.

September 21, 2016
Why can’t we all just get along?

Why can’t we all just get along?

April 2nd is WAAD – which stands for either World Autism Awareness day or World Autism Acceptance Day depending on who you ask. My Facebook, Twitter, and RSS feeds were full of posts saying either “Light it up Blue” or “Don’t Light it up Blue, Walk in Red instead” or “wear rainbows for acceptance”. It seems there is a schism in the Autism community, and I’m here to plant myself firmly on the fence. I fully understand that Autism Speaks (who started the light it up blue campaign) has some very troubling policies / research interests. I do not agree with funding anti-vaccination research (particularly in the past 5 years when the link between vaccines and autism was already scientifically debunked). I strongly dislike how they portray autism as something deserving of our pity, and their characterization of people with autism as miserable or that having a child with autism leaves you living a “life of despair” as Autism Speaks co-founder Suzanne Wright wrote in 2013. It’s not okay that Autism Speaks doesn’t have anyone in the senior leadership of the organization who actually HAS autism. It’s tragic that the organization is so blinded by the negatives of having a child, friend, or loved one with autism that they cannot see some of the positives that autism can bring – such as a different way of looking at the world.

My biggest issue though, is that Autism Speaks sees autism as only a disability that needs to be “cured” instead of a part of what constitutes the identity of someone with autism. They spend a lot of money trying to cure something which, in my humble opinion, does not need to be cured. In my work, I strive to find ways to help the kids I work with live, thrive, and succeed in a world that is sometimes set up against them. I try to empower them to be able to be independent, to ask for help when necessary, and to gain the skills that are needed to be able to live a happy and productive life. I do not attempt to cure anyone. Nor do I think that all ‘autistic’ behaviours are something that need to be eradicated. When I discussed sensory issues in an earlier post, I did so because many sensory issues are a negative experience for the person who is dealing with them. I wanted to bring awareness to some of the sensory issues that people with autism and sensory processing disorder face, and give suggestions that can help those living with sensory issues have one less obstacle in their life.

All of that doesn’t mean I don’t think some good has come out of the awareness campaign that Autism Speaks started. If even one person has chosen to learn more about autism because of the light it up blue campaign, then I think it’s great. To all the people who say “we’ve had 10 years of awareness, people are aware of autism”, I’d like to respectfully disagree. In my experience, many people aren’t aware of autism beyond the word itself. They don’t understand it, and what isn’t understood is feared, or worse, made fun of. Yes, the light it up blue campaign was spearheaded by Autism Speaks and buying the official merchandise does help fund the organization. So I don’t buy the official merchandise. You can be in favour of awareness and acceptance without giving money to Autism Speaks. You can wear blue and not support Autism Speaks. You can choose to wear blue because it has become associated with autism awareness.

Which brings me to the other groups, the “walk in red for autism acceptance” and the “rainbows for acceptance” groups. I love that people want to move from awareness to acceptance. What I dislike, however, is the idea that it has to be one or the other. That you have to pick a side. I understand, acknowledge, and share many of the concerns that the Autism self-advocacy network have with Autism Speaks but I don’t think it is an all or nothing deal. Yes we need to move towards the acceptance of autism as part of the spectrum of neurodiversity. Yes we need to encourage people who haven’t had much contact with people who have autism to reach out and not judge. Yes acceptance is much more than just being aware, it is something you actually have to work at doing. But there is no reason that acceptance and awareness cannot coexist.

On April 2nd I wore a blue shirt with a sticker that said “ask me why I’m wearing blue”. It gave me the chance to talk about autism and raise real awareness about it. I also wore my red running shoes and a rainbow bracelet. Why? Because with all of this infighting in the autism community, I feel that we are losing sight of what really matters. We are spending so much time and energy fighting with each other when we should be a community, and united to fight those who would discriminate against people who have autism. The autism community is strongest when we band together and present a united front instead of multiple voices asking for the same things for different reasons. Let’s stop all the infighting and focus on what really matters – improving the quality of life for those who live with autism and those who care for and about them. If you want to donate your time and / or money, do some research and find a group that aligns with your beliefs – maybe a local chapter of the Autism Association, the Geneva Centre for Autism, or an organization like the Special Olympics. If you know a parent with a child who has autism, a friendly smile or an invite for coffee can go a long way too.

To me, this is what autism awareness and acceptance month is all about. This is my friend’s son Jacob. He loves Spiderman and building towers out of blocks. He likes playing in the ocean. He adores his siblings and dotes on the family cat. He also has autism, and while it does not define him, it does mean that he needs some extra help negotiating the world and that his parents needed some extra support so they they could understand him. Let’s not get so caught up in our own fights that we forget what is really important here: people.

Image courtesy of Paula Collrin

Image courtesy of Paula Collrin

Image courtesy of Paula Collrin

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April 3, 2015
Science really does Rock!

Science really does Rock!

As a kid, one of my favourite places to go in Toronto was the Ontario Science Centre. Between the bouncy bridge, the electrostatic ball that made my hair stand up (mine went straight up and out to both sides), making paper, and the machine that said “coffee” in different pitches, it was a great place to spend a day. I went with school, with my parents, and with Girl Guides – usually at least a couple of times every year. Then when I was a teenager, I didn’t go as often – and when I did go I was helping out with younger cousins or my Brownie unit. As an adult, my experience with the Science Centre has been as a leader with Girl Guides (which includes 2 “Sleepovers” with my Brownie unit which mainly consisted of me chasing down 7 year olds who didn’t want to sleep at 3 am and trying / failing to convince them to go back to their sleeping bags) and taking my friends’ kids around the exhibits. While I won’t do another sleepover soon (my Pathfinders prefer to camp and are too old for the official “Sleepover at the Science Centre” program), I have quite enjoyed taking my friends’ kids to the Science Centre. The one problem I’ve had is that the while the Ontario Science Centre has a lot of exhibits that are of interest to adults, it can be hard to see them and almost impossible to interact with them when there are kids around. I mean I’m not going to push a little kid out of the way so that I can play with a fun exhibit – that’s a jerk move if ever there was one. Besides, it’s hard to enjoy the exhibit when you’re also watching to make sure that little Janey doesn’t disappear again or that little Johnny isn’t punching the kid behind him in line. [Please tell me I’m not the only one this happens to out in public]

All of this is why, whenI heard about ScienceRocks! at the Ontario Science Centre I knew I had to go check it out. ScienceRocks! is a chance for adults (19 + as there is alcohol available for sale) to explore the amazing Science of Rock and Roll exhibit without any children present. I got a couple of girlfriends together and we met up at the Science Centre not sure what to expect but hoping for a fun girls night out at the very least. We were clearly not the only ones with this idea, and a number of couples seemed to have chosen the event as a great place for date night. If you have only been to the Science Centre with kids in tow, you need to come and see it after dark. There is something about walking through the Science Centre sipping on a gin and tonic that makes you feel like a rebel.

The Keytar is from the 1980s time capsule.

There were so many things to do that I stayed for the whole event (which runs from 7pm-midnight). I didn’t get a chance to see the IMAX movie about the Rolling Stones (but am aiming for it this time). I did, get a rock and roll makeover courtesy of The Beauty Team. It was amazing. I sat in the audience and listened to League of Rock do a few numbers (though if you’re more ambitious than I am, you can actually play with them). I watched and participated in a presentation on neuroscience and music where we had to clap out different rhythms at different tempos. I ate some of the Fleetwood Mac n’ Cheese (topped with pulled pork – it was amazing). Then, after taking in all of the various attractions, I headed into the main exhibit. The Science of Rock and Roll exhibit has something for everyone! I loved the history exhibits with artifacts from different decades in rock history. The reactables were a lot of fun to play with and distort all the music and see what effect changing the balance or the instrumentation has on a piece of music. The hands on demo with the different instruments that make up a typical rock band was a ton of fun – I especially enjoyed the left handed bass guitar. All the adults lined up nicely to take turns and nobody felt bad about trying things out because we weren’t taking time away from a kid who wanted a turn.

All in all it was one of the most fun nights out I’ve had in a long time. Sorry you missed it? Don’t be – there is still one more ScienceRocks! Adults Only night left – Thursday September 18th! The event on the 18th features all of the fun of the earlier dates plus a ukulele choir (I have to admit, this intrigues me). There is a hands on session where you can make your own cigar box guitar to take home which looks pretty awesome. The headliners for the evening are Steve Cropper and Jonny Rosch. I’m looking forward to finding out what Johann Sebastian Joust is all about. It sounds fun.

Tickets are $15 in advance or $18 at the door for non members and $12 in advance or $14.40 at the door for members. Parking is free.

For more information and to purchase tickets, head to the Ontario Science Centre website.

September 10, 2014
Only Children…

Only Children…

Some recent news articles have made me think about my status as an only child. My mum, asked me a few months ago whether I felt left out because I was an only child.   I didn’t then and I don’t now. I loved being an only child. I’m sure I would have loved siblings too but being an only gave me advantages I wouldn’t have otherwise had. That’s not to say that I was spoiled. My parents took great care to avoid that. For starters I had a bunch of cousins within a 10 minute drive from my house who were over a lot and tortured me like siblings.   They took my stuff and roughhoused and generally had a good time.

I was also involved in Guiding, hockey, and swimming lessons plus occasionally other things like a little chefs course. I was well socialized and I’m not sure that I could have done all those things if there was a sibling in the mix.

I wasn’t lonely. I was the type of kid who was happiest reading a book, and in books I found all sorts of wonderful people and stories. I also had a lot of friends who I could go and call on and play with after school or on weekends.    Yes… go out and play – around the corner or, when i got a little older, down the block and through the walkway. I played with my friends, got annoyed by their siblings and returned to my cozy home.

I am both my father’s daughter and my mother’s daughter. Mum and I would sit and do crafts and she would patiently teach me how to knit day after day when I forgot. Would we have had all that 1 on 1 time if I had siblings?   Dad treated me like one of the boys – I got to watch sports with him. Hockey, Auto racing, and football. Dad loves football and as he put it, they were pretty sure they were only going to have 1 kid, there was 1 tv, mum tolerated football but didn’t love it and he wanted to make sure the vote would be 2 vs 1 FOR football. Hence my beginnings as a football junkie. I wonder if I had had a brother, if my dad would have spent as much time explaining all the nuances of football to me? I’d like to think so but I’m not sure.

I know i missed out on things by not having a sibling. Mum’s big worry is that I won’t have family to support me when they die. I told her that I have friends and that just because people are related by blood doesn’t necessarily mean that they can stand each other.    I feel loved and supported by the friends I have made and that is enough for me.

I wouldn’t have minded to have had someone else to blame things on either, come to think of it.    When there was trouble in the house or something got broken, it was almost always my fault and I took the blame. If I’d had a younger sibling, I could have blamed them. There’s only so much you can blame on a dog.

Overall I feel like I had a well-rounded, happy childhood. I don’t think that I missed anything huge by not having biological siblings, I have a few friends who are as close to me as they are to their biological siblings if not closer.

I know quite a few only children, and none of us feel like we were deprived in any way of part of our childhood. I’ve had friends worry that they don’t have a sibling for their child yet. Relax, I tell them, even if you don’t ever end up with another kid, your firstborn won’t be horribly scarred. I may not get the mushy “sister” cards, but that’s ok with me.

August 17, 2011