Tag: Special Needs

Teaching your child with ASD about gifts
Teaching your child with ASD about gifts

One of the most common questions I hear during the holiday season is “How do I teach my child gift etiquette?” Gift giving occasions with kids on the spectrum can be tricky to say the least. Gifts may overwhelm, kids may forget the social niceties we spend all year teaching them causing friends or relatives to get upset when a child forgets to thank them, or worse, is unable to tell one of the social white lies when a gift isn’t quite what was expected. I’ve known more than one child on the spectrum who blurted out “I didn’t want this”, “Yuck”,or “I already have this” when presented with a gift that wasn’t on their radar. I have previously written about buying gifts for kids with special needs so this post is going to focus on ways you can help your child both giving and receiving gifts.

A pile of wrapped gifts

Giving

Gift giving can be a really tough skill for kids to learn, and kids on the spectrum have a tougher time than most. There are quite a few strategies I’ve used to teach kids about giving (both gifts and in a larger, charitable sense) and others that friends have used successfully. It’s hit and miss what works with a particular kid, but with some trial and error, a method that works for a particular kid can almost always be found.
- Write your own social story about giving gifts to others. Important points to include are why we give gifts, and how to respond when thanked for a present. You can also include a section on choosing gifts if you wish. For a quick and easy social story maker I use ConnectAbility’s Visuals Engine. It’s free and you can download the story as a PDF and print it once made. Read the social story often leading up to the gift giving occasion. Make one specific to the holiday season and another one for other gift giving occasions such as birthday parties.
- Involve the child as much as possible in the process. From making a list of people he would like to give gifts to, to picking a suitable gift. You may need to model desired behaviour and show your own thinking “I know daddy likes cars, and needs socks, so he would like these socks with cars on them” – walk your child through how you pick out gifts for others. (Do this cautiously if the child is prone to blurting out to others what they’re getting, or do it with hypothetical gifts only)
- Help your child wrap the gifts. If your child becomes anxious about wrapping, use a box or a bag. If they really don’t want the gift hidden (and some kids don’t), then just put a bow on it.
- Use photos as gift tags to indicate who the present is for – this serves to remind the child that the gift is for another person (so may discourage them from opening it) and who the recipient is.
- Practice, Practice, Practice! Enlist an older sibling or friend and model gift giving (and receiving). When the child has seen the example a few times, have them switch into the scenario.
- Some spectrum kids pick things they really like for their friends and siblings and then don’t want to give it away. Make sure you talk about the recipient a lot when you’re buying the gift, and talk about how much they will enjoy it. They may still not want to give the gift away, but be firm and explain that it is not theirs.
- Kids who are rule followers may find the idea of social conventions comforting. So explaining in in terms of a “non-optional social convention” a la Big Bang Theory is a good way to introduce them to the rules of gift giving.(In general, I don’t believe that gift giving is a social obligation but for kids who need rules… this helps).
Receiving
- Practice opening gifts, taking turns and waiting for others, and giving gifts. Try to practice this daily. Wrap boxes with favourite toys and some new items to simulate the experience. Having an established order for opening gifts – each child opens one and the cycle continues.
- Role play scenarios with your child in preparation for him/her getting a gift they do not want. Give them the right words to use to politely accept a gift. “Thank you for thinking of me” works well.
- If your family tradition includes putting gifts under the Christmas tree, prepare well ahead of time by setting the rules (gifts are only to be opened when everybody is there, or after a certain time on Christmas morning). Perhaps wrap an empty box to see if your child is able to resist the temptation.
- Alternatively, wait until just before the holiday to set out gifts, especially large tempting ones.
- Wrap each family member’s presents in a distinct wrapping paper. That way the child knows which ones are theirs and hopefully won’t unwrap everybody’s presents looking for theirs.
- When opening gifts as a family, use a consistent order to open gifts. You can try a signal such as an ornament or large candy cane that is passed around to signal whose turn it is to open the next gift. This helps alleviate disorganization and the frustration of waiting.
- Set a limit on the number of gifts from extended family members and family friends. That way the child knows to expect 3 gifts from grandma and 2 from an aunt. This is very comforting to some kids on the spectrum.
- Gifts can be overwhelming – especially all at once… so don’t! Open gifts all day long, or over multiple days, whatever works for your family.
- Sometimes you will find that your child is only interested in playing with the gift he or she has just opened. Let them play. Forcing the child to move to the next present will only create a confrontational situation. Give them a timed warning “In 10 minutes, we’re going to open another gift”, and stick to it. Adjust the time limit if there’s a time sensitive situation like grandma needing to leave.
- Some children with ASD prefer that you leave their presents unwrapped – others want to know exactly what is in each gift. Surprises can be a source of anxiety, so try to honour your child’s wishes. You can move towards wrapping in steps – wrap a little more each day or week. Some kids are okay with a present wrapped if they know what’s inside. Experiment to see what works best for your child.
Gifts are part and parcel of the holiday season, but the stress and anxiety that often come with them don’t have to be. What are your best tips to make gift giving and receiving easier for your children?
December 2, 2015
Dos and Don’ts of Giving Gifts to Special Needs Children

Dos and Don’ts of Giving Gifts to Special Needs Children

With the holiday season fast approaching, I’ve had a few queries as to how best to alert friends and family members as to what the best gift for a special needs child is. Buying gifts for kids at Christmas is tough, and if the child has special needs, it can be hard to figure out what kind of gift the child (and parents) would like. While there are no universal one-size-fits-all recommendations, there are some best practices to follow.

That’s a lot of wrapping!

Do – Ask the child (or the parents) what the child’s interests are.

Don’t – Buy a generic gift for every kid you know in the age range. (A good rule to use for all the kids in your life.)

Do – Buy items tailored to the child’s interests, even if you think the toys are “too young”. So what if the 8 year old still loves Sesame Street?

Don’t – Only buy things that are labelled ‘educational’. Any toy can be educational, and many of the ones promoted as educational are boring and expensive.

Do – Keep safety in mind – if the child is a chewer, stay away from items with small pieces (like marble runs!) that could be swallowed. Or metal cars if the child is prone to throwing things – they hurt!

Don’t – Buy therapy supplies – while they may be useful, they’re not fun and can make special needs children feel singled out.

Do – Be aware of the child’s limitations and buy accordingly – if there are issues with fine-motor control, the 1000 piece Lego set may not be the right gift.

Don’t – buy kits for projects that the parents have to do most of the work for.

Do – Think outside the box – maybe tickets for an experience (like the zoo) would be better than a traditional gift.

Don’t – Get the child the same thing you got them last year. Nobody needs 10 sets of stacking cups. Nobody.

Do – Get a gift receipt.

Don’t – Be insulted if the parent returns the gift or exchanges it – duplicates happen.

Do – Get your child involved – if your child is friends with a special needs kid, they’ll probably have some great ideas!

Don’t – Buy toys with no volume control or that don’t have an off switch. Again, don’t do this period – special needs or not.

Do – Get games the family can play together.

Don’t – Get games that have complicated rules, or are completely random in the way the game works. (Uno Attack, Ker-plunk, Jenga)The randomness of the games can be a huge source of frustration for kids in general, but special needs kids can have a much harder time accepting the randomness. You can find my list of games for kids on the Autism Spectrum here.

Above all, ask. I know quite a few special needs parents and none of them are insulted or upset about polite questions regarding their children’s likes, dislikes, and abilities. As more than one of my friends with kids who have special needs have pointed out – they LOVE to talk about their kids, so just get them started and they’ll supply you with the information you need (and adore you for being so thoughtful). Sometimes there’s an expensive item on the wish list, and multiple friends and family members can each contribute to it. Finding the right gift for a kid with special needs isn’t an impossible task, it just takes a little time and thought.

November 16, 2015
Word Wednesday – with a twist!

Word Wednesday – with a twist!

In case you haven’t guessed I’m pretty passionate about my work with kids who have autism. This means that I occasionally get pulled into some of the Autism wars. I firmly believe that there are very few black and white situations in life, and even fewer in the world of autism. There’s a saying that if you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism. Which is all well and good except it really doesn’t only apply to people with autism. Every person is different, and one-size-fits-all thinking should really be called one-size-really-fits-none.

Recently one of the kids I work with was told that he needs to stop calling himself “autistic” and use person first language, saying, “I am a person who has autism”. I understand why person-first language is great and why it should be the default when dealing with people you haven’t met. However, when someone who HAS autism, declares a preference for the term “autistic”, who are we to judge? This is a conscious decision made by the person most affected by the language and I, for one, will support his choice as well as his right to change his mind if he wishes to in the future.

The one thing I am very ardent about is the fact that I don’t see autism as a disease that needs to be cured. In fact, I don’t see it as a disease at all. I am a strong believer in the neurodiversity paradigm and the belief that autism is part of the natural neurological variance found in humans. The neurodiversity paradigm, has 3 main tenets: 1) that neurodiversity is a natural and valuable form of human diversity; 2) that the idea that there is one “correct” form of neurocognative functioning is an artificial construct and is no more helpful to society than the idea that there is one “correct” form of gender or ethnicity; and 3) that the social dynamics relating to neurodiversity are no different than the social dynamics of other forms of human diversity (ethnicity, culture, gender), including and especially that this diversity, if embraced, can be a source of creative potential.

I believe that people with autism should be welcomed into society and that we shouldn’t be trying to change them to become more like neurologically “typical” people. That isn’t to say that I believe we should abandon all programming and services for people with autism, because I believe that as they are neurological outliers on the bell curve, the world isn’t geared towards them and so there are some skills that need to be learned in order to have life be less frustrating for them and for those who care about them. In honour of this belief, today’s Word Wednesday word is neurodiversity.

Neurodiversity

The neurodiversity movement is relatively young, about 20 or so years old. The term was coined by an Australian social scientist who was on the autism spectrum, and has become more and more widespread as time goes on. The movement encompasses more than just the autism community now – other neurological differences such as learning disabilities (LD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and bipolarity are part of the neurodiversity movement. I think part of the reason I like the neurodiversity movement so much is because I’ve always considered myself neurologically diverse – I have a learning disability, ADHD, and was identified as gifted in school – the triple threat of neurological differences. So I’m clearly in the neurodivergent camp.

The word is a compound word – comprised of the prefix neuro – which is from the Greek word neuron – which means nerve and is used in medicine to refer to things relating to the brain. The word diversity comes from the Latin word diversus – meaning separate, opposite, or different.

Neurodiversity (neur-o-di-ver-si-ty) noun

The infinite variation in neurocognative functioning in the human species.

September 23, 2015
An Open Letter to Parents of Special Needs Children

An Open Letter to Parents of Special Needs Children

I’ve got something to tell you, and I’m pretty sure you all need to hear it right about now. Whether it’s back to school time coming up shortly, or your kid has already been in school for the past few weeks, it’s going to be okay. It may not seem like it now – with the routine changes and the frustrations of explaining once again why sitting Johnny by the door is an invitation to disaster, but it will be okay.

I’m not just talking about school either. I’m talking long term here. I know you’re worried about your children and their ability to cope in a world that seems have the deck stacked against them. I understand your fear that your sensitive child will have his nascent ego shattered by an unkind word or action. I feel your frustration when the services that you worked so hard arrange fall through.

I get it. I really, really do.

So here’s the first phrase:

It’s going to be okay.

You will get through this with the love and support of friends and family. You will fight for your child with more ferocity and determination than you knew you possessed.

Your child will surprise you again and again with their resilience. They will fill your heart with joy as they progress towards their current goal. You will be there every step of the way, cheering their accomplishments, comforting them in their setbacks, and helping them get set to try again, because that’s what you do.

Now here’s the second phrase:

You are not alone.

You will get through this with the love and support of friends, family, and community supports. Your child will survive – and thrive – because there are so many great teachers, therapists, personal support workers, doctors, and parents out there to help them. They will shine as the world slowly changes to accept that different from does not mean less than.

You’re in the trenches day in and day out. It can be hard to see the forest when you’re staring at one tiny sapling bending in the wind, but I can see the forest. It’s beautiful and full of hope.

Our children are growing up learning that our differences make us special and that everyone deserves love and respect. Yes, there are some adults who never learned that lesson, but they are the minority. Most of the world sees your child not as an object of pity, but simply as another child. Don’t let the unfortunate few who have not moved with the times cast a shadow over your happiness – keep moving until you are no longer touched by their shadow.

As the parent of a special needs child, you are raising hope. You are raising part of the next generation, the generation who teach the world being different is awesome and everybody has something to contribute to society, even those who cannot speak for themselves, or those who are more finely in tune with their senses than the rest of us.

Children today are more accepting than even their parents, who, in turn, are more tolerant than the generation before them. Change doesn’t happen overnight but it does happen. The world is changing, slowly but surely, and kids like yours are the catalysts for this transformation.

Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

It’s going to be okay. Because you are not alone.

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August 28, 2015
Summer is coming – is camp in your plans?

Summer is coming – is camp in your plans?

I know it seems like march break was only yesterday, but it’s time to start thinking of warmer things – sunshine, warmth, and summer camp! As a kid, I loved summer camp (most of the time) and one way my job changes during the summer is that instead of providing school support to kids on the spectrum, I help them adjust and thrive at day camp.

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Most kids benefit from day camp, but it can be hard to choose the right one, especially if your child is not independent yet. There are some general questions to ask yourself though, that can make choosing a camp a little easier.

1) Consider your child’s needs.

Is your child verbal? Will he (I’m using “he” because it’s easier just to pick a pronoun) speak to unfamiliar adults? Is he capable of letting an adult / grown up (camp counselor) know if he needs to use the bathroom? Will he eat lunch without someone sitting there and reminding him? Does he need 1 on 1 support to function in the school environment? If so, you may need to look into getting 1 on 1 support for camp. Some camps do this for a fee, while others include it in the cost of camp. Still others allow you to send your own support person for free to camp. If your child is at a stage where he only needs support in a few activities, there is also the possibility of pairing him up with one of the teenage Leaders in Training (LITs) for those activities. Be honest when assessing your child’s needs. Over or underestimating their independence will make for a very unhappy camper.

2) Does an activity your child already participates in do a summer camp?

Many activities such as Girl Guides, Boy Scouts, Martial Arts, and music lessons often run full week summer day camps (or even overnight camps), with the same instructors or at least other familiar faces. Plus it’s an activity your child presumably enjoys already so there’s a high interest value there. The level of assistance available for kids with special needs varies with different organizations so you need to check what is available and make sure it fits your needs (see number 1 above).

3) What are your child’s interests?

While there are still some traditional “day camps” around that have a little bit of everything, there are lots of specialized camps that may be a better fit for your child. Is your child really into lego? There are specialty camps for that. Does your child have a dramatic streak? Look into theater camps where budding thespians can get their fill of the stage. These camps may not have as much experience with special needs kiddos but they will usually work with you to create a great experience.

4) Are there any subsidies / grants available to help pay for an aide or defray the cost of camp?

Camp isn’t cheap and good camps can be even more expensive. Check with the camp to see if they have any camperships that can help with the costs. If you need to send a support worker with your child, some community groups offer grants to help cover the cost. Ask everywhere – the worst that can happen is that someone says no. You may need to apply early for these so check as soon as you start looking at camps.

Camp is a big part of the childhood experience, and one that every child can take part in if the right combination of camp and support is found. Once you’ve found the right camp, then the real fun begins.

April 14, 2015
Why can’t we all just get along?

Why can’t we all just get along?

April 2nd is WAAD – which stands for either World Autism Awareness day or World Autism Acceptance Day depending on who you ask. My Facebook, Twitter, and RSS feeds were full of posts saying either “Light it up Blue” or “Don’t Light it up Blue, Walk in Red instead” or “wear rainbows for acceptance”. It seems there is a schism in the Autism community, and I’m here to plant myself firmly on the fence. I fully understand that Autism Speaks (who started the light it up blue campaign) has some very troubling policies / research interests. I do not agree with funding anti-vaccination research (particularly in the past 5 years when the link between vaccines and autism was already scientifically debunked). I strongly dislike how they portray autism as something deserving of our pity, and their characterization of people with autism as miserable or that having a child with autism leaves you living a “life of despair” as Autism Speaks co-founder Suzanne Wright wrote in 2013. It’s not okay that Autism Speaks doesn’t have anyone in the senior leadership of the organization who actually HAS autism. It’s tragic that the organization is so blinded by the negatives of having a child, friend, or loved one with autism that they cannot see some of the positives that autism can bring – such as a different way of looking at the world.

My biggest issue though, is that Autism Speaks sees autism as only a disability that needs to be “cured” instead of a part of what constitutes the identity of someone with autism. They spend a lot of money trying to cure something which, in my humble opinion, does not need to be cured. In my work, I strive to find ways to help the kids I work with live, thrive, and succeed in a world that is sometimes set up against them. I try to empower them to be able to be independent, to ask for help when necessary, and to gain the skills that are needed to be able to live a happy and productive life. I do not attempt to cure anyone. Nor do I think that all ‘autistic’ behaviours are something that need to be eradicated. When I discussed sensory issues in an earlier post, I did so because many sensory issues are a negative experience for the person who is dealing with them. I wanted to bring awareness to some of the sensory issues that people with autism and sensory processing disorder face, and give suggestions that can help those living with sensory issues have one less obstacle in their life.

All of that doesn’t mean I don’t think some good has come out of the awareness campaign that Autism Speaks started. If even one person has chosen to learn more about autism because of the light it up blue campaign, then I think it’s great. To all the people who say “we’ve had 10 years of awareness, people are aware of autism”, I’d like to respectfully disagree. In my experience, many people aren’t aware of autism beyond the word itself. They don’t understand it, and what isn’t understood is feared, or worse, made fun of. Yes, the light it up blue campaign was spearheaded by Autism Speaks and buying the official merchandise does help fund the organization. So I don’t buy the official merchandise. You can be in favour of awareness and acceptance without giving money to Autism Speaks. You can wear blue and not support Autism Speaks. You can choose to wear blue because it has become associated with autism awareness.

Which brings me to the other groups, the “walk in red for autism acceptance” and the “rainbows for acceptance” groups. I love that people want to move from awareness to acceptance. What I dislike, however, is the idea that it has to be one or the other. That you have to pick a side. I understand, acknowledge, and share many of the concerns that the Autism self-advocacy network have with Autism Speaks but I don’t think it is an all or nothing deal. Yes we need to move towards the acceptance of autism as part of the spectrum of neurodiversity. Yes we need to encourage people who haven’t had much contact with people who have autism to reach out and not judge. Yes acceptance is much more than just being aware, it is something you actually have to work at doing. But there is no reason that acceptance and awareness cannot coexist.

On April 2nd I wore a blue shirt with a sticker that said “ask me why I’m wearing blue”. It gave me the chance to talk about autism and raise real awareness about it. I also wore my red running shoes and a rainbow bracelet. Why? Because with all of this infighting in the autism community, I feel that we are losing sight of what really matters. We are spending so much time and energy fighting with each other when we should be a community, and united to fight those who would discriminate against people who have autism. The autism community is strongest when we band together and present a united front instead of multiple voices asking for the same things for different reasons. Let’s stop all the infighting and focus on what really matters – improving the quality of life for those who live with autism and those who care for and about them. If you want to donate your time and / or money, do some research and find a group that aligns with your beliefs – maybe a local chapter of the Autism Association, the Geneva Centre for Autism, or an organization like the Special Olympics. If you know a parent with a child who has autism, a friendly smile or an invite for coffee can go a long way too.

To me, this is what autism awareness and acceptance month is all about. This is my friend’s son Jacob. He loves Spiderman and building towers out of blocks. He likes playing in the ocean. He adores his siblings and dotes on the family cat. He also has autism, and while it does not define him, it does mean that he needs some extra help negotiating the world and that his parents needed some extra support so they they could understand him. Let’s not get so caught up in our own fights that we forget what is really important here: people.

Image courtesy of Paula Collrin

Image courtesy of Paula Collrin

Image courtesy of Paula Collrin

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April 3, 2015
Sensory 102

Sensory 102

Earlier this week, I wrote about the two most common sensory issues that affect children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) – sensitivity to clothing and to food textures.There are other sensitivities that affect children on the spectrum. Sensory issues can and do affect every sense.

I was remiss in not mentioning oversensitivity to noise in the last post as it is one of the most common sensory issues and affects more than just children on the spectrum. It isn’t just loud or unexpected issues that can cause problems. One of the kids I work with, once told me that the humming of the fluorescent lights in his classroom can make it very hard for him to concentrate. He explained that he always hears the humming and can see the tiny flickers that are almost imperceptible to his neurotypical classmates. The energy he expends trying to tune out these distractions is energy he doesn’t have to use on his schoolwork or on social interactions, and leaves him drained at the end of the day. He had gone through the first 7 years of his school career before anyone thought to ask him if there were any parts of his classroom that made it harder for him to do work. Children with ASD do not typically volunteer extra information even when it is in their best interest to do so and had this question not been asked, the problem of the “noisy lights” as he calls them, would likely have never been addressed. Luckily, he had a very understanding teacher who has brought in some floor lamps and tries to use natural light whenever possible so the “noisy lights” can stay off.

Everyday noises that most of us take for granted and easily tune out such as the humming of the refrigerator or the whirr of the furnace fan can be unwelcome intrusions into the life of a child with sensory issues. Unexpected noises can derail an entire day. Last week I was in a big box store and there was a little guy who was having what I recognized as a sensory overload meltdown. Note: a meltdown may look like a tantrum from the outside but whereas a tantrum usually results from a child not getting his or her way, a meltdown is a child’s uncontrollable response to overwhelming stimuli. His mother was at the end of her rope, so I stepped in and asked if I could help (Yeah, I do this a lot – I hate seeing a child in distress). She agreed so I knelt down and asked the child if it was too loud. He said “yes it is” -we were standing about 4 aisles away from the electronics department where every TV was showing something different and someone had turned some of the volumes up it was too loud even for me. I went off in search of an employee and asked them to please turn down the overall volume and asked if a few of the sets could be turned off and he readily agreed. I went back to my new little friend and explained that next time, he should use his words to tell an adult if it is too noisy. He thanked me, and his mother told me that he had autism and “never talked to anyone outside of family” before talking to me. (I hear that a lot too – I’m not sure why I can get kids to open up but it’s a gift I’m thankful for every day.) For me the noise in the store was irritating, but it wasn’t stopping me from functioning. For a kid with ASD, who is unable to tune out the noise, it becomes all encompassing and they cannot function until the noise is reduced or eliminated. However, it often takes someone asking directly if the situation is a problem as children with ASD don’t usually volunteer that kind of information.

Check volume levels!

Loud and unexpected noises can be a source of distress for a child with ASD. To begin with, as a group, children with ASD do not tolerate the unexpected well. Routine helps them make sense of their world, so unexpected noises that disrupt that routine are upsetting. Fire drills, car alarms, doorbells, and even phone calls are all noises that can interrupt and disrupt the daily routine. Sometimes there is an easy fix – one of the children I work with was constantly upset by the doorbell. His parents changed the standard doorbell for one of the ones with a customizable chime – and allowed him input of what the sound should be. He chose one that was quieter but still loud enough to be heard and the problem was solved. Sometimes it takes a lot of trial and error to discover the problem and to figure out a solution, be persistent and you will be rewarded. My friend Lisa notes that children who have sensory issues with loud noises often do not have issues being noisy themselves. This can be due in part to the fact that they don’t hear themselves at the same volume others do or are unable to successfully modulate their voices to the situation. However their own excess noise can contribute to their overall stress and usually causes siblings or classmates to raise their voices in return which can lead to a meltdown.

Smells are another sensory issue that can affect children with ASD. For some children a scent that others find quite pleasant can be quite upsetting. One child I know has an intense reaction to the smell of vanilla. He dislikes it greatly and will cry inconsolably if he catches the scent in a store. He was out with his parents running errands and a bottle of vanilla had been broken in the aisle of the grocery store. He was so distraught that he had to leave the store in order to calm down. For a child with sensory issues, sometimes the only recourse is to remove them from the situation. Some scents can be avoided, and others can be gradually introduced in order to desensitize the child to them. It may be worth investigating, if a child has a negative reaction to a friend or relative, whether they have a signature scent. Sometimes the familiar scent of a relative is not comforting to a child with ASD. Unscented laundry detergents and soaps can go a long way to making life more comfortable for a child with olfactory sensory issues. Beware of cleaning agents with strong or even unusual scents – if your child is showing signs of distress after the house has been cleaned, ask them if the smells bother them. It may be that the smells of the cleaning agents are bothering them.

An often neglected sense when discussing sensory issues is sight. Conventional wisdom has had nurseries, bedrooms, and classrooms brightly decorated with lots of stimulation for developing minds. Some children, however, including those on the autism spectrum, cannot process that much visual input and thus become overstimulated in such environments. This is not to say that there cannot be decoration but make sure the child is not having to filter out unnecessary visual information to get to the important stuff. Daily schedules should be free from extra adornments, and fonts should be simple and not overly ornate. Even classroom bulletin boards should be free of extraneous information. A couple of posters on a bedroom wall may be too much for one child but may be fine for another – see what works best for the individual child.

Not all sensory issues are easy to identify. It can take a lot of trial and error to find the right combination to work for each child. The rewards can be worth all the effort though. When a child with autism is comfortable in his surroundings, and not being overstimulated, they are better able to cope with their world, and live in ours.

March 18, 2015
Sensory 101

Sensory 101

One of the hardest things for many parents to understand about their child with Autism is their sensory issues. I’m writing from my experience, which is with kids who have ASD. Sensory issues can come on their own, as part of Sensory Processing Disorder, or with another condition such as ADHD.

If you don’t have a sensory issue, it can be very hard to understand why you child is refusing to put on the shirt grandma gave him for Christmas because it “doesn’t feel right”. Often, parents chalk these tantrums up to behaviour or defiance, but as I explained in an earlier post, behaviour is how some children with ASD communicate that there is a problem. I have some sensory issues myself, but I also have the words to be able to explain why something is bothering me. I primarily have issues with fabrics, foods, and some sounds, so I’ve got it easy. As an adult, I am able to avoid most of the things that drive me crazy, and as a child I was lucky to have parents who cared only that I was wearing clothes but didn’t care if i wouldn’t wear corduroy, or would only wear corduroy.

Many parents try to make mornings less of a hassle by picking out (or having their children pick out) clothes the night before. While it is a good idea in theory, it can fail horribly in practice for a sensory kid (or grownup) because sometimes something that didn’t bother them yesterday does today. They aren’t being intentionally difficult; they really cannot handle the stimulation those clothes provide on that day. It should be noted, too, that in teens and adults hormones and hormone fluctuations can affect sensitivities so they literally can change day to day.

The seams on clothing can be a constant irritant. Sometimes I am able to filter it out and ignore it but sometimes it’s like a sunburn – my skin feels different and wrong and I can’t concentrate on anything until the situation is fixed. I need to change clothes. I have pairs of diabetic socks because they don’t have rough seams and they are non binding – the elastic at the top of socks is awful. The fabrics themselves may rub the wrong way – and which fabrics bother me may change. I lived in jeans in high school – I had 4 or 5 pairs and wore them more days than not. Then I got to university and couldn’t stand the way denim felt on me. My favourite jeans sat neglected in my closet until partway through 4th year when suddenly, denim was okay again. Clothes that haven’t had fabric softener (I use bounce unscented sheets because I’m allergic to a lot of scents and I am a static magnet) drive me around the bend. They are stiff and scratchy and if I have to wear them, I may look like I’m listening but really I’m just counting the hours until I can change.

Nope. Just Nope.

Flip Flops. Oh my god. I have tried to get into the spirit of summer and don flip flops at the cottage. My record so far is 6 minutes before they were ripped off my feet and tossed aside. The only thing that goes through my head the entire time I am wearing flip flops is “There is something between my toes. Why is there something between my toes? The something between my toes must go away” On a constant loop. I cannot carry on a conversation in flip flops, I can barely remember my name because I cannot tune out the sensory input coming from the little piece of plastic between my toes. Then there’s the characteristic sound that flip flops make. It’s distracting enough when it comes from other people, but when I’m the one making it? I’d stand still except then I still have something between my toes. I can avoid flip flops but many kids with sensory issues have that level of input coming from everything they wear. Yes some clothes are worse than others, and over time, one can can learn to tune out some of the input but when it’s coming from everything all of the time? It requires a tremendous amount of energy to do anything after tuning out the sensory distractions.

There are clothing manufacturers out there who make clothes specifically for children and adults with Autism or Sensory Processing Disorder. They feature flat seams that are far less irritating than regular seams, some seamless designs. printed on labels, and soft fabrics. They are expensive but can be a lifesaver if your child is really struggling. Some regular clothing stores incorporate some sensory friendly elements in their clothing – Joe Fresh has some clothes with printed labels instead of tags and flat seams. I love Smartknit socks – not only are they seamless but they have no heels so they are easy to put on and fit growing feet for longer. They also make seamless underwear and undershirts.

With food, it often isn’t the taste that I cannot handle (though occasionally it is – the taste / smell of root beer drives me crazy) but the texture. Certain food textures are more upsetting than others. I am well aware of how awesome chia seeds are for your health. I can totally appreciate that adding them to chocolate pudding makes it somewhat healthier, but I cannot handle the texture of chia seeds. You can lie to me and tell me it’s plain pudding but it’s not a preference thing, I will feel the jelly-like seeds on my tongue and, because I was raised to be polite, I will swallow one bite and politely refuse any more. Many kids can’t force themselves to swallow it. I do not advocate trying to trick children with sensory issues into eating foods they dislike because they will know, and then they will be suspicious of any new food. There are therapies, usually provided by an Occupational Therapist, specifically designed to help children whose sensitivity to food texture prevents them from being able to eat a healthy diet, but the majority of sensory kids have texture families they cannot stand but are fine with others.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t introduce new foods, but don’t insist on a child with sensory issues swallowing the new food. If you can, ask them why they don’t like it. Tastes can take time to develop, sometimes it takes a number of reintroductions before one acquires the taste for something. Textures, are another story – aversions to textures are unlikely to change as a result of repeated introductions. That’s not to say they can’t change, but it’s more of an internal change and not something that can be forced.

Another food texture issue that is common is a refusal to try a food in an altered state. Apples may be a favourite food, but apple crisp makes crunchy apples soft and that isn’t right. Toasting marshmallows gives the outside a crunchy texture when marshmallows are supposed to be soft. A child may like mashed potatoes but refuse to eat baked potatoes because the texture isn’t what they expect. Different textures can mean that even if a child likes the food, they cannot tolerate the altered state. Smoothies can be a tricky sensory combination as some fruits like strawberries have tiny seeds that don’t get fully blended. Smoothies are also a combination of flavours and many kids (and adults) on the spectrum do not like flavours to mix.

Figuring out what the sensory issue is can be a bit like solving a mystery. If a child is non verbal, it can be harder to identify the cause of the problem but not impossible. You basically need to approach the situation like a detective – is anything new? If so, try reverting back and see if the behaviour stops. Are there irritating tags? Take them out (use a seam ripper if possible since the stubs left from cutting can be worse than the tag itself). Is their skin dry? Did you change detergents? Any of these can be the cause. If the child can nod or give yes / no answers you can ask “is this bothering you” as you hold up different items of clothing. If a food was presented in an altered state (such as soft boiled eggs instead of scrambled), try introducing the food in the expected state and see if the child accepts it.

A child who cannot handle wearing certain clothes, or deal with food textures may react in a way that looks like he is an overindulged brat. Friends and relatives will tell parents that they are spoiling the child by letting them get away with reacting. There is nothing further from the truth. We want to set children up for success. A child is more likely to succeed when they are not being distracted by scratchy clothes and they have been fueled with food that they enjoy and that gives them adequate nutrition. With a better understanding of sensory issues, it becomes easier to see how what looks like a tantrum is actually a cry for assistance.

March 15, 2015