Jenn Writes

Tag: advice

  • Dos and Don’ts of Giving Gifts to Special Needs Children

    Dos and Don’ts of Giving Gifts to Special Needs Children

    With the holiday season fast approaching, I’ve had a few queries as to how best to alert friends and family members as to what the best gift for a special needs child is. Buying gifts for kids at Christmas is tough, and if the child has special needs, it can be hard to figure out what kind of gift the child (and parents) would like. While there are no universal one-size-fits-all recommendations, there are some best practices to follow.

    14 square presents wrapped in purple paper with gold ribbon.
    That’s a lot of wrapping!

    Do – Ask the child (or the parents) what the child’s interests are.

    Don’t – Buy a generic gift for every kid you know in the age range. (A good rule to use for all the kids in your life.)

    Do – Buy items tailored to the child’s interests, even if you think the toys are “too young”. So what if the 8 year old still loves Sesame Street?

    Don’t – Only buy things that are labelled ‘educational’. Any toy can be educational, and many of the ones promoted as educational are boring and expensive.

    Do – Keep safety in mind – if the child is a chewer, stay away from items with small pieces (like marble runs!) that could be swallowed. Or metal cars if the child is prone to throwing things – they hurt!

    Don’t – Buy therapy supplies – while they may be useful, they’re not fun and can make special needs children feel singled out.

    Do – Be aware of the child’s limitations and buy accordingly – if there are issues with fine-motor control, the 1000 piece Lego set may not be the right gift.

    Don’t – buy kits for projects that the parents have to do most of the work for.

    Do – Think outside the box – maybe tickets for an experience (like the zoo) would be better than a traditional gift.

     Don’t – Get the child the same thing you got them last year. Nobody needs 10 sets of stacking cups. Nobody.

    Do – Get a gift receipt.

    Don’t – Be insulted if the parent returns the gift or exchanges it – duplicates happen.

    Do – Get your child involved – if your child is friends with a special needs kid, they’ll probably have some great ideas!

    Don’t – Buy toys with no volume control or that don’t have an off switch. Again, don’t do this period – special needs or not.

    Do – Get games the family can play together.

    Don’t  – Get games that have complicated rules, or are completely random in the way the game works. (Uno Attack, Ker-plunk, Jenga)The randomness of the games can be a huge source of frustration for kids in general, but special needs kids can have a much harder time accepting the randomness. You can find my list of games for kids on the Autism Spectrum here.

    Above all, ask. I know quite a few special needs parents and none of them are insulted or upset about polite questions regarding their children’s likes, dislikes, and abilities. As more than one of my friends with kids who have special needs have pointed out – they LOVE to talk about their kids, so just get them started and they’ll supply you with the information you need (and adore you for being so thoughtful). Sometimes there’s an expensive item on the wish list, and multiple friends and family members can each contribute to it. Finding the right gift for a kid with special needs isn’t an impossible task, it just takes a little time and thought.

     

     

  • An Open Letter to Parents of Special Needs Children

    An Open Letter to Parents of Special Needs Children

    I’ve got something to tell you, and I’m pretty sure you all need to hear it right about now. Whether it’s back to school time coming up shortly, or your kid has already been in school for the past few weeks, it’s going to be okay. It may not seem like it now – with the routine changes and the frustrations of explaining once again why sitting Johnny by the door is an invitation to disaster, but it will be okay.

    I’m not just talking about school either. I’m talking long term here. I know you’re worried about your children and their ability to cope in a world that seems have the deck stacked against them. I understand your fear that your sensitive child will have his nascent ego shattered by an unkind word or action. I feel your frustration when the services that you worked so hard arrange fall through.

    I get it. I really, really do.

    So here’s the first phrase:

    It’s going to be okay.

    You will get through this with the love and support of friends and family. You will fight for your child with more ferocity and determination than you knew you possessed.

    Your child will surprise you again and again with their resilience.  They will fill your heart with joy as they progress towards their current goal. You will be there every step of the way, cheering their accomplishments, comforting them in their setbacks, and helping them get set to try again,  because that’s what you do.

    Now here’s the second phrase:

    You are not alone.

    You will get through this with the love and support of friends, family, and community supports. Your child will survive – and thrive – because there are so many great teachers, therapists, personal support workers, doctors, and parents out there to help them. They will shine as the world slowly changes to accept that different from does not mean less than.

    You’re in the trenches day in and day out. It can be hard to see the forest when you’re staring at one tiny sapling bending in the wind, but I can see the forest. It’s beautiful and full of hope.

    Our children are growing up learning that our differences make us special and that everyone deserves love and respect. Yes, there are some adults who never learned that lesson, but they are the minority. Most of the world sees your child not as an object of pity, but simply as another child. Don’t let the unfortunate few who have not moved with the times cast a shadow over your happiness – keep moving until you are no longer touched by their shadow.

    As the parent of a special needs child, you are raising hope. You are raising part of the next generation, the generation who teach the world being different is awesome and everybody has something to contribute to society, even those who cannot speak for themselves, or those who are more finely in tune with their senses than the rest of us.

    Children today are more accepting than even their parents, who, in turn, are more tolerant than the generation before them. Change doesn’t happen overnight but it does happen. The world is changing, slowly but surely, and kids like yours are the catalysts for this transformation.

    Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

    It’s going to be okay. Because you are not alone.

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