Jenn Writes

Tag: hope

  • Heartache and healing

    Heartache and healing

    Regular readers may remember about six weeks ago, I published a post about music, depression, and grief that outlined how music helps me through some of the hard moments in life. I heard from many of you that it echoed how you felt about music. Music has always been something that brought people together and made them forget their troubles for awhile. Until it wasn’t.

    On Friday November 13 2015, at approximately 9:40 local time, 3 men exited their car and entered the Bataclan Concert Hall where the American band Eagles of Death Metal were playing to a crowd of around 1500 people and opened fire using automatic rifles. According to reports, they fired into the crowd from the mezzanine to kill as many people as possible and inspire terror. 89 people were killed at the Bataclan that night, with hundreds more wounded.

    On November 18th, I went with a close friend to see a concert that I had been looking forward to for months – Alan Doyle and the Beautiful Gypsies and Barenaked Ladies. The show surpassed my expectations. Not only did I get a night out with a great friend (who really needed the break), but I got a picture at Intermision with Alan Doyle, and my CDs signed. The music – Where do I start with the music? Alan Doyle was amazing. He sings with such joy that you can’t help but be swept up and be happy. He sang many of the songs off of his new album, including the title track and my personal favourite, 1,2,3,4.

    When he stopped to tell the story behind the song Laying Down to Perish, I got goosebumps. Alan is a natural storyteller, and kept the audience on the edge of their seat with the story. The song was inspired by a trip to a museum on Fogo Island in Newfoundland where he saw an odd artifact, and, with the curiosity of a historian, asked questions. The artifact in question was a mariner’s gaff – a wooden pole with a hook on one end used to stab fish either on the ice or on a boat – with four names and the words “lay down to perish” carved into it. It seems the four men went out on the ice to fish and got caught by the shifting tide and realized they couldn’t get back to shore. In order to give their families closure, they carved their names on the gaff along with what they planned to do – lay down to perish – and set it adrift so that when it reached land, their families would know what happened to them and not roam the coast looking for them or hold out hope that one day the men would return.  Doyle tells the story much better than I do, and the song he wrote after being inspired by this story is a most fitting tribute to these brave men.

    I was crying before the first chorus. Barenaked Ladies came out for the second half of the concert, started with high energy songs, and soon had everyone up and dancing. Those guys sure know how to put on a show! I’ve always enjoyed the band, but had continual bad luck with concert timing and this was only the second time I’d seen them live. I bought my ticket based on Alan Doyle playing but knew both halves of the concert would be awesome. BNL fans are awesome and dedicated – during their song Duct Tape Heart, an audience member tossed a bra made out of duct tape onto the stage, and lead singer Ed Robertson gamely picked it up with his guitar and played the rest of the song with it on the end of his guitar. A few songs later during Pinch Me, someone threw a very large pair of underwear on stage – at the appropriate part in the song of course – and Robertson picked them up again with his guitar.

    Ed Robertson sings into a microphone while a pair of underwear hangs off the neck of his guitar.
    I’m amazed I got a picture of that.
    Ed Robertson points the guitar with the underwear still on it at the camera, smiling
    I thought they would fly off

    My friend and I were laughing and dancing along with everyone else in the concert hall. It was an amazing 3 hours of music and fun. All of the musicians in both bands came out to do a joint number – 9 musicians on one stage singing If I Had A Million Dollars, one of BNL’s first big hits.

    8 musicians on stage playing a variety of instruments
    The whole gang on stage

    I don’t have any universal answers to offer, but I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to continue to enjoy live music, and I’m going to do it for the 89 music lovers who died doing something they loved. I may be a little trepidatious at first, but I will go, because by giving in to the fear, the terrorists would win. Music is a universal language – whose dictionary does not include the word terrorism. I’m going to fight fear and hatred with love and understanding. Who’s with me?

  • An Open Letter to Parents of Special Needs Children

    An Open Letter to Parents of Special Needs Children

    I’ve got something to tell you, and I’m pretty sure you all need to hear it right about now. Whether it’s back to school time coming up shortly, or your kid has already been in school for the past few weeks, it’s going to be okay. It may not seem like it now – with the routine changes and the frustrations of explaining once again why sitting Johnny by the door is an invitation to disaster, but it will be okay.

    I’m not just talking about school either. I’m talking long term here. I know you’re worried about your children and their ability to cope in a world that seems have the deck stacked against them. I understand your fear that your sensitive child will have his nascent ego shattered by an unkind word or action. I feel your frustration when the services that you worked so hard arrange fall through.

    I get it. I really, really do.

    So here’s the first phrase:

    It’s going to be okay.

    You will get through this with the love and support of friends and family. You will fight for your child with more ferocity and determination than you knew you possessed.

    Your child will surprise you again and again with their resilience.  They will fill your heart with joy as they progress towards their current goal. You will be there every step of the way, cheering their accomplishments, comforting them in their setbacks, and helping them get set to try again,  because that’s what you do.

    Now here’s the second phrase:

    You are not alone.

    You will get through this with the love and support of friends, family, and community supports. Your child will survive – and thrive – because there are so many great teachers, therapists, personal support workers, doctors, and parents out there to help them. They will shine as the world slowly changes to accept that different from does not mean less than.

    You’re in the trenches day in and day out. It can be hard to see the forest when you’re staring at one tiny sapling bending in the wind, but I can see the forest. It’s beautiful and full of hope.

    Our children are growing up learning that our differences make us special and that everyone deserves love and respect. Yes, there are some adults who never learned that lesson, but they are the minority. Most of the world sees your child not as an object of pity, but simply as another child. Don’t let the unfortunate few who have not moved with the times cast a shadow over your happiness – keep moving until you are no longer touched by their shadow.

    As the parent of a special needs child, you are raising hope. You are raising part of the next generation, the generation who teach the world being different is awesome and everybody has something to contribute to society, even those who cannot speak for themselves, or those who are more finely in tune with their senses than the rest of us.

    Children today are more accepting than even their parents, who, in turn, are more tolerant than the generation before them. Change doesn’t happen overnight but it does happen. The world is changing, slowly but surely, and kids like yours are the catalysts for this transformation.

    Take a deep breath and repeat after me:

    It’s going to be okay. Because you are not alone.

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