This is the 4th Word Wednesday post I’ve started to write this week – hence why it’s being finished on a Thursday – the others will come out when the time is right, but they just didn’t work right now. Summer is in full swing, it’s been blisteringly hot, and I’m feeling a distinct lack of zen. There’s an old adage about ducks looking peaceful on the water but paddling furiously with their legs below the surface. That’s exactly how I feel right now – I’ve got some really exciting things coming up but right now, my life doesn’t actually look any different.
I feel like I spend half my life waiting and the other half furiously trying to catch up. It’s a never-ending cycle and while I absolutely love what I do, there are times when I wish I had a job I could leave at the office. Working from home can make setting boundaries for when work starts and stops challenging. I’m learning to get better at this balance thing and to walk away for a bit to bring a fresh perspective on a challenging article, but I’m not quite there yet. I’ve had a few acquaintances comment that it must be nice to have the summer off, presumably because I’ve spent a lot of time up at the cottage this summer. Make no mistake, I’m still working my tail off, setting up writing gigs and supporting the kids I work with, I’m just doing it remotely.
Speaking of ducks, this one has been spending a lot of time at the cottage and really loves to eat peas.
A couple of weeks ago I posted about being weary, and a 3 day retreat with some of my favourite people eased some of the weariness but added a ton of things to my to-do list. There are SO many things I want to do – including writing some different types of posts here including some travel and food tips and maybe even some recipes. I also want to start sharing some of the really cool stuff I’ve discovered and get back to talking about board games. I love having inspiration and too many ideas is infinitely better than no ideas but I’m also overwhelmed and not quite sure where to start. It’s also hard to justify taking time to work on my own stuff when I’ve got people willing to pay me to write for them. I love my freelance writing gigs and my ghostwriting work lets me try on other personalities so that part of my life is not going to go away any time soon, but I need to carve some dedicated Jenn time where I focus on my own personal writing and doing neat stuff for me. I’m thinking maybe a half day a week right now would be a good start, and expanding it to more as time goes on.
That said, I’m also actively trying to find more freelance and ghostwriting gigs so I’m not quite sure how any of this is going to work out time-wise. I keep seeing the quasi-motivational posts on Facebook and Instagram saying that if you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life. I must be doing something wrong then, because I absolutely love what I do, but I’m also definitely working most days. Some days the work is easier than others but there are definitely days when it feels like a slog. Or maybe, that statement is no more than a platitude and isn’t actually accurate. Does anyone actually love every single part of what they do 100% of the time? I know I dislike the tough parts of writing and working with special needs kids less than I’ve disliked parts of other jobs so for me, that’s the important thing. I’m happier even though I’m often channeling my inner duck and paddling madly beneath the surface. I’m trying hard to enjoy what I have now and not get lost in my plans for the future, or in anticipation of what may or may not happen. I like the word anticipation more than worry, even though worry is sometimes more technically accurate, I’m working hard on changing that mindset and seeing challenges as opportunities not obstacles. So the word I’ve finally settled on for my Word Wednesday post (on a Thursday!) is Anticipation. I hope dear readers that you will stick with me as some of these changes come to fruition, but rest assured that Word Wednesday isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. After all I’ve got at least 3 more drafts to finish!
I anticipate some of my plans will work out and others may fail spectacularly, but either way, it’s going to be a fun ride.
Anticipation ( an·tic·i·pa·tion ) Noun
- A feeling of excitement about a future event
- The act of preparing for something